¿Tiene mas preguntas?

I try to take the perspective that everything here is an adventure even when it is, in fact, a royal pain in the back side. Being here is an exercise in developing coping mechanisms. So, I decided I needed to develop a good attitude and a coping strategy for dealing with the almost daily sales calls from the internet service provider with whom we do not have a contract, Jazztel. My guess is that they figure if they call often enough, you will pay any penalty charges applicable to break your current contract and switch to Jazztel just to stop them from calling so often.

Here is how the phone calls go at our house. The phone rings. We all groan. We know that it’s likely the person on the other end of the phone is going to speak - what else - Spanish. Dread. (Okay, mostly it’s me that completely dreads this.) We all try to dodge answering. But it could be someone we love, so we have to answer, right?

When it’s Jazztel, the sales person always asks for (imagine this in your best Spanish accent) Yan Patreek Eyes. In the beginning this was a blessing for me because I could always hand the phone off legitimately. But Yan Patreek isn’t always home.

At first, my strategy was to always say, “No hablo español. No entiendo.” I felt that I needed to at least explain why I was hanging up on the sales person.

But then I decided that it was bad for my self confidence to say that I don’t speak Spanish. So I started saying (in Spanish), “I don’t speak Spanish well; please speak more slowly.” But I still couldn’t understand the callers so the calls still ended abruptly. And still they persisted in their frequent calls. By this time, Anna was developing her own Jazztel coping mechanisms as well.

Eventually, I developed Approach Number Three: I decided to view the calls as opportunities to practice Spanish. Rather than dreading the calls, I tried to convince myself that I was looking forward to the calls. I figured that would teach them a lesson. I practiced explaining every single time they called that we have internet service. We don’t need new internet service. Please don’t call us again. Yes, I can say all those things in halting Spanish.

But the phone calls didn’t end. Last week I had a new idea. In Spanish class, we’ve been working on three different forms of past tense. I decided to practice all the forms of past tense that I know on the next Jazztel victim. So I wrote out my script and taped it to the wall over the phone. And waited.

Tonight I got my chance. I was thrilled at the ring of the phone. Heart racing, I launched into my counter attack.

¿Es Jazztel? (Sí.)
Nuestro respusta es no.
Ahora la respusta es no.
Esta mañana, la respusta ha sido no.
Ayer, la respusta fue no.
La semana pasada, la respusta fue no.
El mes pasado, la respusta fue no.
El primer diez veces nos llamó, la respusta era no.
¿Tiene mas preguntas?
______________________

Is this Jazztel? (Yes.)
Our answer is no.
The answer now is no.
This morning, the answer was no.
Yesterday, the answer was no.
Last week, the answer was no.
Last month, the answer was no.
The fist 10 times you called us, the answer was no.
Do you have any more questions?
______________________

I didn’t allow myself to pause for a moment until I finished – proud to get four different verb tenses in and realizing that I should have stuck future in as well.

The Jazztelian was laughing on the other end. “¡Vale, Vale! Okay. Okay. I get it.” We laughed together, and I had the distinct feeling I had finally gotten the message across, and with a good attitude. When I hung up I expected that to be the last Jazztel call.

Not a minute later the phone rang again. I snatched it up. A different young man was on the phone, again asking for Yan Patreek. I launched into my response one more time, to great peals of laughter, once again. A good natured call from the first caller’s compañero de trabajo. And THAT, I believe was the last time we’ll hear from our friends at Jazztel.

One more tiny victory for the feeble Spanish speaker.