Jack’s first little bird

"I'm not on Survivor Man, so I'm not going to eat it." - Jack

Years ago, in 1990 to be exact, Jack and I went on a rock climbing trip to the south of France with our friends Charlie and Ann. I had had two miserable years of French in high school and two even more miserable years of it in college. But they were of almost no use. Every time I thought I knew what I was ordering for dinner, I was wrong. I was usually unpleasantly surprised by what showed up on my plate. For a string of several days I ended up with little birds every night. On the last night of this streak, I was desperate to have a filling meal and was certain that I was ordering a hunk of lamb. Alas, a tiny little bird arrived once again, and I almost broke down in tears.

One day last month Alex ordered French fries for seconds after lunch when he was still hungry. Potatas fritas. Seems simple enough. When the order arrived it was potato chips, and we all laughed at the shocked look on his face. “You got a little bird!” I told him. Since then, we’ve been keeping track of all the little birds that arrive at our tables as we travel and dine out. We’ve even started leaving behind a little origami crane folded from a napkin to mark each occasion.

Today, Jack got his first little bird. He thought he was getting veal and potato casserole. Instead, a dish of something strange in tomato sauce arrived. He poked, he prodded, he tasted. Finally he announced, “I think this is tripe.” “Your first little bird!” He was due. The rest of us have had several.

The waiter confirmed the pronouncement and told Jack that “hombres comen todos!” Men eat everything, whether it is ears, or snout, or stomach or hooves. I can’t give you the whole thing in Spanish, because the parts were acted out in sign language – and the meaning was absolutely clear.

He did a pretty good job with that plate of food which he said tasted like tripe in Chef Boy-ar-dee sauce. When he offered me some, I had to answer, “No puedo.” Same as the locksmith who ruined our key back in week one of our adventure. Sorry, Jack. No puedo. I can’t help you with this one.